Fully Functioning Alcoholic

I am a fully functioning alcoholic I don’t water down my gin, I sometimes add a tonic and stick a slice of lemon in

You won’t find me at your front door asking you for money, you will find me in the office sporting a cheeky grin

You won’t find me on the streets with cardboard or tatty paper cups, I’ll be sitting in the pub surrounded by pints and vodka shots

I’ll complete all that you ask of me, do it with a smile, all the time just waiting till i can hit the bar

I won’t be living in a hovel there’ll be food inside my belly but I’ll always have a beer when I sit down to watch the telly

I only eat pork pie or cheese and onion crisps don’t want too much sustenance to interfere with my drinks

My holidays will be grand spent in drunken stupors, I’ll come back with a tan and buy four cans of super

Everybody knows one, a fully functioning alcoholic, they sit inside the coffee shop pouring brandy in their lattes

All my bills are paid but I sometimes miss a payment its only so I can have another night on the piss

I sometimes sit and think. What am I doing to myself? Then a voice inside shouts time for you to drink

I stare into my glass hoping it will refill working out the sums ive spent a mini fortune on tabs and drinking over

We all know that certain someone, a fully functioning alcoholic if you see one passing by you probably wouldn’t even notice

 

Photo credit: Liqua.com